I got my first nasty comment yesterday. Having been blogging for several years now I 
have previously always welcomed comments. The vast majority have been positive, but even when people have disagreed with my view, they have done so politely. I have tried to adopt the same approach when commenting on other people’s blogs, because, you know, I am a human being not a troll. But my 2013 review of Patrick Suskind’s ‘Perfume‘ really upset one person, because they decided to leave a comment calling me an “miserable trout”!
Anyone not familiar with idiomatic British English may not recognise this phrase. It’s a remarkably mild insult, meaning roughly an unattractive and bad-tempered old woman. I’ll leave it for others to decide on the attractiveness or otherwise of my appearance, although what that has to do with Patrick Suskind’s novel escapes me for the moment. Bad-tempered I will accept in the context of the review – ‘Perfume’ is an appalling novel, and I stand by that judgment of several years ago when I first reviewed the novel – and yes, it put me in a bad mood. More, it upset me. If the descriptions of young women being murdered for sadistic pleasure which form the heart of the novel don’t upset you, perhaps it’s not me with the problem. But it’s the casual assumption that I am a woman that niggled at me – as if only women can call out misogyny when they see it. I thought we as a society or civilisation had outgrown that lazy idea?
For the avoidance of any doubt, I still love getting comments. It’s really one of the things that keeps me blogging and reading blogs, getting to share my ideas about books with other people and discuss them. Of course we will have disagreements. I would love to know in what way this commenter disagreed with me – what is it about Suskind’s portrayal of the mass murder of young women and the commoditisation of their bodies that appealed to him/her? But (s)he chose not to share that information, which was a pity.
The Reading Bug 
There are ways of disagreeing with, or challenging what a blogger has written in a post, and name-calling isn’t one of them. And when someone takes time and care to craft what they write in a post, then an ‘off’ comment is unpleasant. Some people just lack manners or empathy.
A few years ago I wrote a post about a visit to the village where Wilfred Owen is buried. Like most places in Northern France flattened in the Great War and hastily rebuilt in the 1920s, it’s pretty soulless, grim, and to be frank, ugly – and I said so. I was rebuked quite roundly by someone in a comment who seemed almost to take my comment personally, and thought I was being disrespectful. It left a sour taste, since I felt I’d been misread and misunderstood. But I restrained the impulse to delete the comment…
It’s the only example in nearly seven years. I don’t get that many comments, which in itself is a pity, but I do invariably get thoughtful and intelligent ones, and not everybody agrees with me. Ho-hum…
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Similarly I restrained myself from deleting the comment – as you say, not everyone is going to agree with you.
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I’ve had some not so nice comments on my blog but the one that took the cake, was a relative of Cheryl Strayed who raked me over the coals on Amazon for not loving her book, Wild. She not only posted once, but many times, harassing me. Basically telling me I had to change my review “or else”… I reminded her that it was my opinion and that obviously the book was doing very well and was even being make into a movie but she just went on and on. Then, some readers admitted that they felt the same way and it took off from there. I never deleted the review on Amazon but I did have to turn notifications off because you just can’t address that kind of crazy.
In short, people can say what they want. As can you.
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Wow what an overreaction!!
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I think you had the right takeaway here… namecalling on a blog post (especially sexist namecalling) says a lot more about them than it says about you. At the risk of sounding like a tea towel in a London tourist shop, keep calm and carry on! The positive comments are bound to drown out the negative ones when you provide the kind of thoughtful content we’re used to seeing on The Reading Bug. 🙂
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Thanks -this is really appreciated.
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Was that all they could say? If so I wouldn’t spend any time thinking about it or getting stressed by it, they are clearly not worth your time.
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Oh my god, what an idiot! I’ve been lucky enough never to be trolled (yet) but I can understand why you were upset, especially the phrase that was used. You’re entitled to your own opinion like that person also is but there’s no need to insult anybody. You did the right thing by not engaging with him/her. Pathetic! 🙄
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Dearie me no I wasn’t upset, mildly amused but thought calling out the casual sexism was the gentlest of reproaches.
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