Book review

How Not to Be a Boy by Robert Webb, 2017

How not to be a boy‘How not to be a Boy‘ was promoted as a feminist analysis of masculinity in the UK in the 21st century, how toxic it can be, and how it can be avoided (look at the front cover “Rules for Being a Man” if in doubt – confusingly man not boy). It does indeed contain this analysis, but this goes alongside a very traditional childhood to adulthood rags to riches autobiography. The book was also marketed as unblinkingly honest, one in which Webb confront his demons, looks them in the eye and names them. Again, this is only part of the story – there’s plenty of glossing over of difficult issues here alongside the franker discussions about early homosexual experiences, or his abusive father.

I am sure life wasn’t easy growing up in the Lincolnshire Badlands in the 1970’s and 80’s, fourth son of a forester who was physically abusive towards his mother and older brothers. His parents’ divorced when he was five and his step-dad seems to have been only a minor improvement. He always had the comfort of his grandparents to fall back on, but he grew up in the shadow of the death of an older brother before he was born, and for whom he was in some way a replacement. Webb records in detail a childhood that will seem familiar to a large part of the population, apart from a determination to one day achieve fame through acting or comedy. The death of his mother just before his A levels knocks him off course, although retakes see him securing the place at Cambridge that is principally a way of getting into the Footlights and on that well-trodden road to success. Webb skips over the difficult post-Cambridge years fast forwarding to marriage, Peep Show, Mitchell and Webb, and fatherhood, where the more interesting observations about ‘The Trick’ i.e. patriarchy can be found.

Has Webb got anything original or interesting to say about feminism? Everything he says is undoubtedly valid and supported by clear arguments and evidence. It’s an authentic record of his mistakes and opinions, and as far as it goes that would probably make a worthwhile Sunday supplement article or two. But no, it’s not original. And while the patriarchy made some of his childhood unhappy, he still managed to make it to Cambridge and beyond. I’m not criticising him using his platform for making some useful arguments in favour of men looking after themselves, seeking help, cultivating their friendship group and so on. Even if just one person is helped by this then it is worth doing.

The other, larger part of the narrative, the autobiography, sits (for me) uncomfortably with these observations. He has failed to avoid many of the mistakes he so clearly outlines. Why take advice from someone so skilled at being a traditional male – bad at relationships, bad at looking after himself, bad at even passing exams! While at Cambridge he was obnoxious – his seduction technique for example seems to have been “Get your coat” – and he is horrible, unfaithful and neglectful to the women he dates, all of which he cheerfully admits. None of this makes him easy to like.

My other issue with this book is its dishonesty. For a book that takes pride is being brutally honest, it isn’t. I can completely understand why he would want to avoid giving too much detail for example about his teenage homosexual relationships – the other people or person involved in still alive, now happily married – although the implication that this is in some way shameful or to be avoided is at odds with his claimed comfort with his sexuality and masculinity. Punches are pulled and the soul-searching only goes so far. Later at Cambridge he claims to have done literally no work – not attended any seminars, lectures or supervisions, devoting himself entirely to the Footlights and his romantic affairs – but he somehow emerges with a 2.2, which Cambridge University tends not to hand out for blank pieces of paper. This section of the book is a close copy of Stephen Fry’s account of his time at Cambridge – work heroically neglected, triumphs on stage, some last minute cramming and out pops a good degree. I don’t believe it for a minute. Webb at one point admits to humblebragging – well recognising that you are boasting while pretending to be humble (a chapter about having dinner with Carrie Fisher for example) doesn’t make you any less of a bull-shitter.

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Book review

King Solomon’s Mines, by H Rider Haggard 1885

King Solomon’s Mines, by H Rider Haggard, 1885

When I was very much younger, so much younger than today, my parents had a lavishly illustrated collector’s edition of ‘King Solomon’s Mines’ in their modest collection of books. The illustrations were vivid and I can remember them to this day. This must have been why I was able to recall a vast amount of detail about the text, brought to mind by those lurid sketches, when I finally returned to reread the novel this week.

Advertised on publication as “The Most Amazing Book Ever Written”, quite a bold claim, ‘King Solomon’s Mines’ is a classic ‘boy’s own’ adventure story (the dedication is “to all the big and little boys who read it” and describes it as a “story of treasure, war, and wild adventure… I can safely say that there is not a petticoat in the whole history.”). This is a novel that has no pretensions to be anything other than escapist. Published at a time when explorers were still uncovering ancient treasures and when parts of the world were still unexplored by Europeans, (although probably not as many as Haggard suggests) it is easy to see how the adventures of Allen Quatermain and his friends would have captured the public’s imagination in the way it did mine three quarters of a century later.

It is said that Haggard wrote the novel as a result of a bet with his brother, who claimed that he could not write a novel half as good as Robert Louis Stevenson’s ‘Treasure Island’. Whether this is apocryphal or not I have no way of knowing – people tell stories about the origins of their novels because they are asked the question so often. Nevertheless it makes sense – King Solomon’s Mines is essentially a big treasure hunt. Allan Quatermain is employed by Sir Henry Curtis and his friend Captain Good to help find Sir Henry’s long-lost brother, missing in the uncharted African interior. Quatermain suspects this will be a wild goose chase and a highly dangerous one at that, but agrees in return for a share of any treasure they find. They are joined on the quest by various native bearers, porters, and servants, including one, Umbopa, who obviously is more than meets the eye.

After a perilous journey across a deadly desert they travel into a valley, hidden from the outside world by the protective desert and mountains. This is Kukuanaland. A patrol of warriors are about to kill our adventurers, but are so impressed by Captain Good false teeth, monocle, and white legs that they decide to save them. I must admit I groaned at the clichéd nature of these scenes before reminding myself that these are possibly the source of the cliché itself, or one of the earliest such versions at least. Later they prove their divinity as “white men from the stars” by accurately predicting (and claiming personal responsibility for) a lunar eclipse, one such event just happening to be due at just the right time.

King Twala, ruler of Kukuanaland, is a brutal dictator who has come to power by killing his brother. It is soon revealed that Umbopa is actually Ignosi, the rightful king of the Kukuanas. Civil war breaks out with the Englishmen and tribes loyal to Umbopa/Ignosi on one side, and King Twala and his troops on the other. After a lengthy and bloody battle, the rebel alliance triumphs and Twala is beheaded by Sir Henry in a duel. The adventures continue with the search for the lost treasure that has driven them this far. I won’t fill in all the gaps in their adventures but the path to the diamonds is not an easy one.

It is clear that Haggard knew his setting well. There is enough convincing detail to make the scenes realistic, although I did notice that the travellers suffer from ravenous hunger and terrible thirsts after only a few hours of fasting, presumably a way for Haggard to make the passage of time seem longer.

King Solomon’s Mines is credited with creating the “Lost World”, genre. Typically in stories of this period of European exploration in and exploitation of Africa, there is a general assumption that the white man is superior, the natives are brutal, stupid, and easily tricked. Haggard doesn’t deploy these lazy clichés thoughtlessly, although there is barbarism aplenty. While some of his African characters are depicted as monstrous animals, such as ‘The Elephant’, King Twala , others are noble, brave and heroic. The racism is generally muted – Quatermain refuses to use the n-word and says that many Africans are more worthy of the title of “gentleman” than Europeans. The romance between a Kukuana woman, Foulata, and Captain Good is an extremely early and quite touching portrait of an interracial relationship. Quatermain is also opposed to slavery:

“ Now I know your low-class Delagoa Portugee well. There is no greater devil unhung in a general way, battening as he does upon human agony and flesh in the shape of slaves.”

This isn’t an academic analysis, but the commentary on imperialism in late colonial Africa is fascinating. Haggard goes out of his way to present an image of undiscovered territory deep in the interior of the continent, protected by natural barriers. He also sexualises the landscape, most notably with the descriptions of the mountains as “Sheba’s breasts”. Is Haggard recreating an aspect of the continent that by 1885 was almost completely lost?

As a narrator Quatermain is self-effacing, constantly stressing his absence of courage. In the introduction he misleadingly presents himself as a scientist and anthropologist:

“if I had given way to my own impulses, I should have wished to go into the differences, some of which are to my mind very suggestive, between the Zulu and Kukuana dialects. Also a few pages might have been given up profitably to the consideration of the indigenous flora and fauna of Kukuanaland.”.

But this is not going to be a complex narrative about the flora and fauna of darkest Africa:

“The fact of the matter is, I thought… that the best plan would be to tell my story in a plain, straightforward manner…It only remains for me to offer apologies for my blunt way of writing. I can but say in excuse of it that I am more accustomed to handle a rifle than a pen, and cannot make any pretence to the grand literary flights and flourishes which I see in novels—for sometimes I like to read a novel.”

Quatermain is initially a digressive author, giving away at least some of his plot (he tells us that at least two of his party die, and that he has to account for their deaths to a magistrate). This framing introduction, and the editorial footnotes which gently tease the narrator, reassure the reader than whatever the perils our hero comes through in the end.

Finally, I probably didn’t notice the homo-eroticism gaze that Quatermain uses in his descriptions of the other members of his party – but I think it’s there if you read between the lines. Here is our first introduction to the Umbopa:

“Presently a tall, handsome-looking man, somewhere about thirty years of age, and very light-coloured for a Zulu, entered, and lifting his knob-stick by way of salute, squatted himself down in the corner on his haunches, and sat silent.”

Later Quatermain describes the scene when Sir Henry inspects the tattoo which is Umbopa’s evidence that he is the long-lost prince of Kukuanaland:

“Sir Henry told me to ask him to stand up. Umbopa did so, at the same time slipping off the long military great coat which he wore, and revealing himself naked except for the moocha round his centre and a necklace of lions’ claws. Certainly he was a magnificent-looking man; I never saw a finer native. Standing about six foot three high he was broad in proportion, and very shapely. In that light, too, his skin looked scarcely more than dark, except here and there where deep black scars marked old assegai wounds. Sir Henry walked up to him and looked into his proud, handsome face.”

Later still, when preparing for battle, Sir Henry chooses to dress as a native warrior:

“When you are in Kukuanaland, do as the Kukuanas do,” he remarked…round his throat he fastened the leopard-skin cloak of a commanding officer, on his brows he bound the plume of black ostrich feathers worn only by generals of high rank, and about his middle a magnificent moocha of white ox-tails. A pair of sandals, a leglet of goat’s hair, a heavy battle-axe with a rhinoceros-horn handle, a round iron shield covered with white ox-hide, and the regulation number of tollas, or throwing-knives…I am bound to say that I seldom saw a finer sight than Sir Henry Curtis presented in this guise. It showed off his magnificent physique to the greatest advantage, and when Ignosi arrived presently, arrayed in a similar costume, I thought to myself that I had never before seen two such splendid men”.

Possibly for reasons of nostalgia I have a soft spot for King Solomon’s Mines, and I enjoyed revisiting it. It’s an important text in the history of imperial novels about Africa, but also an enjoyable and not particularly offensive adventure story in the Indiana Jones mould.

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Book review

Black Mischief, by Evelyn Waugh, 1932

In many of my previous reviews I have struggled to respond to texts that either contain offensive language – that use racially insulting terms, that denigrate gay people or women, or otherwise offend my twenty-first century sensibilities. I usually try to draw a distinction between those texts that use offensive language which was in common usage in the period in which the text was written – Huckleberry Finn, for example, with its widespread use of the n-word – and texts that are more broadly offensive, that perpetuate stereotypes or go out of their way to be insulting to racial or other groups. Sometimes I find offensive novels that have not generally been considered in that category – Perfume being the obvious example, which most reviewers found harmless but which I took great exception to. 

In almost all cases however, I have been able to find redeeming features in the text. The novelist may have been reflecting outdated attitudes towards race, gender or sexuality, but they have nevertheless managed to write something worth reading. But that is mainly because I have been careful not to read those books that should be forgotten and which don’t merit a wider readership today. History has edited these novels from our bookshelves. But this is not always the case with authors who have written otherwise well thought of work, such as Evelyn Waugh’s ‘Black Mischief’. Because ‘Black Mischief‘ is an embarrassingly offensive novel. 

The events of ‘Black Mischief‘ take place mainly in the island kingdom of Azania, one of the few independent countries in Africa between the world wars. Waugh’s intention appears overt – he sets out to demonstrate that allowing African peoples to run their own countries is a ludicrous proposition that leads to profound mis-Government, chaos, and conflict. His argument is that Africans simply don’t have the intelligence, judgment or ability to run their own affairs.

Seth, emperor of Azania, inherits his role shortly after graduating from Oxford. He determines to modernise his country, but his ambitions are portrayed as utterly unrealistic – not only does he not understand what modernisation entails, but his efforts are undermined by his people, who have no interest in the modern world, and his officials, who just want to steal anything not nailed down.

Basil Seal, a feckless college friend, journeys to Azania on a whim to escape his debts in London, and is quickly appointed Minister of Modernisation. His sidekick is the Armenian businessman Yokoumian, an equally unpleasant and racist portrait. The small group of Europeans in Azania, diplomats, businessmen and missionaries, do not escape Waugh’s satire – they are all crooks and bored idiots, particularly the British consular staff headed by Sir Samson Courtenay, but there is a venom in the portraits of the Africans in the novel that is missing when the focus turns to the Europeans. 

A pageant to celebrate birth control is used as cover for the launch of a coup against Seth, with the French consul planning to install a puppet Government headed by his senile uncle Achon, who promptly dies at his coronation. In the bloodbath that follows the League of Nations steps in and claims the country as a League of Nations Mandate. The natural order with the white man running matters is restored, and Basil returns to London, where his absence has passed largely unnoticed. 

Many reviewers claim this novel is a satire. I am not sure that is right – what precisely is it satirising? Certainly not colonialism – Azania is not a colony. Modernisation? Perhaps, but it is hard to see what aspects of modernisation are problematic. Or is it modernisation in Africa? Is Waugh telling the reader that modernising Africa is pointless, because they will just use mis-use whatever modern devices or ideas we ‘give’ them (the wires used in the railway’s construction are used as jewellery, for example). The most striking example of this is the poster drawn up to advertise the benefits of birth control, showing one family wealthy and healthy with one child, and another family with many children where life is hard and poor. These posters are misunderstood by the Africans – silly people unable to understand a simple poster – and they think the single child family is the one that is being presented as the one to avoid. 

Life is cheap in Azania – people are killed casually throughout the novel – and cannibalism is widespread. There isn’t a racist stereotype untapped. There isn’t a single positive African character, not even for contrast – they are all either evil, conniving, mercenary, or murderous. Or all four. 

Waugh is not a bad writer, but I can’t help thinking that this novel should be allowed to quietly fade away. It’s not funny, the casual and incessant racism is hard to take, and the ending is callously brutal. For the first time ever I was embarrassed to be seen reading this novel (with the front cover shown above) on public transport, which probably says it all. 

 

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Book review

Wyrd Sisters (Discworld 6) by Terry Pratchett, 1988

‘Wyrd Sisters’ sees the return of Terry Pratchett’s magnificent three, Granny Weatherwax; Nanny Ogg, and Magrat Garlick, Discworld’s most chaotic coven. The opening of the novel is closely modelled on Pratchett’s source text, Macbeth: King Verence I of Lancre, a small mountainous kingdom high in the Ramtops, is murdered by his cousin, Duke Felmet, and the duke’s homicidal wife. So far so Shakespeare, but from this point the novel WSdeviates somewhat from its source. (For the avoidance of any doubt, this is of course a joke – Macbeth is a source for ‘Wyrd Sisters’ in the same way that Hamlet is a source for the Lion King, i.e. barely).

The king’s son and his crown are smuggled out of the castle and handed to the witches for safekeeping. They foster the child with a troupe of travelling actors, hide the crown in plain sight in a box of props, and settle back to watch destiny take its course. Their confident expectation is that the prince, Tomjon, will grow up, defeat Duke Felmet and take his rightful place as king.

However, this is Discworld, so of course things don’t work out as easily as that. Lancre is a highly magical and very slightly sentient kingdom, and is angry about the way the new King mistreats the land. Reluctantly, the coven casts a spell over the kingdom, freezing it in time for 15 years and allowing Tomjon to grow into a young man and therefore (in theory at least) able to challenge his er…second cousin (uncle would have been better) for the throne. Tomjon is also, as it happens, a highly talented actor…. Continue reading →

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Book review

Lies, Inc, by Philip K Dick

I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of books that I have failed to finish in the last few years. Mainly this has been through sheer stubbornness – I can’t imagine any other reason why anyone would work their way through the nine volumes – nine! – of Samuel Richardson ‘Clarissa’, or get beyond the first few pages of F R Rolfe’s hilariously bad ‘Hadrian 7‘. But I didn’t finish, or get beyond halfway, Philip K Dick’s ‘Lies, Inc’.Lies inc

‘Lies, Inc’ was originally a short story, ‘The Unteleported Man’. It’s a perfectly ordinary sci-fi story about the establishment of a space colony. For reasons known only to himself, Dick decided to turn the story into a novel. Instead of expanding the plot, adding characters, etc, he injected (deliberate choice of verb) a long middle section involving a drugs trip. Characters turn into rats, the plot collapses, and frankly it becomes utterly unreadable.

Don’t just take my word for it. I turned to Goodreads to try and find out whether I was missing the point somewhere, and there is a strong consensus that this novel is an utter car crash. One reviewer advised that even PKD completists should avoid it, reserving it only for ‘PKD masochists’.

Continue reading →

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Book review

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, 1811

Six years after Trafalgar, while the Peninsular War rages on the continent and social discontent stirs at home, Jane Austen turned her attention to the challenges facing a very specific class of young women in Georgian England.

A complex will, and the early death of the family’s father, see the widowed Mrs Dashwood, and daughters, Elinor, Marianne and Margaret, left with a small income and no residence. John, half brother to the sisters and heir to the family home, undertakes to care for his half-siblings, but quickly reneges on the promise in one of those acts of self-persuasion in which Austen’s characters specialise. Treated as unwelcome guests in what has been until recently their family home, the Dashwoods relocate to to Barton Cottage in Devon , near the home of their relative, Sir John Middleton, although not before oldest daughter Elinor has ‘formed an attachment’ with Edward Ferrars, brother of their half-brother’s wife. I hope you are following this because there will be a quiz. (In following the narrative it helps to understand the convention that if there are two or more unmarried sisters, the eldest will be Miss Dashwood, and the younger Miss Marianne Dashwood, etc. A pen and paper help as well).

Settling into their modest new home in Devon, the Dashwood ladies also settle into what constitutes Devon society, assisted by Sir John, his wife, Lady Middleton, his mother-in-law, the rather common Mrs Jennings, and family friend, Colonel Brandon. The Colonel is attracted to Marianne, although she finds the almost twenty-year age gap off-putting. To be fair she is only sixteen, so you can understand her concerns.

While out walking one day, Marianne sprains her ankle, and is carried home by a charming young rescuer, John Willoughby. Willoughby and Marianne quickly become very close, and their intimate behaviour soon suggests to Mrs Dashwood and Elinor that they are engaged. Willoughby takes Marianne to see the home he expects to inherit one day, and cuts off a lock of her hair. Taking a lock of hair is a traditionally symbolic and intimate act. But the long awaited engagement fails to materialise. Then out of the blue Willoughby informs the family that has to go to London on business,and is unlikely to return within the year.  Marianne is devastated.

One beau is replaced by another. Edward Ferrars comes to visit. Remember him? Mysteriously, his earlier intimacy with Elinor is missing. He is restrained and diffident. Shortly after his puzzling visit, the Misses Steele, Anne and Lucy, cousins of Mrs. Jennings, come visiting, and in the first of many plot twists Lucy secretly tells Elinor she is engaged to Edward. Unable to see any wrong in a man who had apparently wooed her just a few months earlier, Elinor speculates that this is a loveless engagement which Edward’s sense of honour will not allow him to end.

At this point the speed of events accelerates. The Dashwood sisters (apart from the near invisible Margaret) travel with Mrs Jennings to London, to join the parties and dances that are a way of passing the time for the idle rich. Knowing him to be in town, Marianne writes to Willoughby, trying to arrange an assignation, but her letters go unanswered. Several days later, as Marianne’s distress at his silence escalates, they meet by chance at a dance, and Willoughby, with another woman, brushes Marianne off coldly. A blunt letter follows which claims that there was never any substance to their relationship, and telling her than he is now engaged to another woman. Young heiresses are a stock figure in these novels, along with cads, bluff uncles, giddy younger sisters and indulgent fathers. Marianne is once again devastated, and falls into a decline in which her health suffers. In a self-interested attempt to help, Colonel Brandon reveals to Elinor that Willoughby is a scoundrel who has previously seduced, impregnated, then abandoned Brandon’s young ward, Miss Eliza Williams.

Meanwhile, the Steele sisters have come to London as guests of Mrs Jennings. Unable to keep a secret, talkative Anne Steele betrays Lucy’s engagement to Edward. Chaos ensues. The Misses Steele are turned out of the house, and Edward is ordered by his wealthy mother to break off the engagement. He refuses and is promptly disinherited in favour of his brother, Robert.

So where does that leave the Dashwood ladies. Elinor’s love Edward is marrying someone beneath him, and who she suspects he does not love. Marianne’s love Willoughby is by now married to his heiress, and forever out of reach. And the novel is in its concluding chapters, so the author needs to hurry up and sort this out!

Marianne, moping over Willoughby, catches a cold and becomes dangerously ill. Colonel Brandon goes to fetch Marianne’s mother to her bedside. Unexpectedly, in a moment of what I suspect is intended to be high drama, Willoughby arrives. He confesses all to Elinor – his love for Marianne was genuine and having married for money he is now miserable. This is all well and fine but doesn’t really explain away his seduction of Colonel Brandon’s niece does it? Elinor softens somewhat but there’s not much she can say to him by way of comfort – he has made his choices.

Happily, Marianne recovers from her illness, and is told of Willoughby’s visit. Marianne, showing a maturity sadly missing only weeks earlier, tells her family that she could never have been happy with Willoughby, and dedicates herself to a monastic life of study and good work. Here the sound of ends being tied up becomes deafening. Edward arrives and reveals that Lucy has implausibly married his now wealthy younger brother, Robert. Edward and Elinor marry, and finally Marianne comes to terms with his advanced old age and marries Colonel Brandon.

Nobody reads Austen for the car chases and the suspense. We know what is going to happen, and little gets in the way of the long-awaited happy ever after. So the entertainment value of the novel, and in many ways in all of Austen’s work, resides not in incident but in the portraits of human nature she sketches. She is particularly good at catching the stifling nature of the lives of middle class women, unable to join the men in hunting, so condemned to sketching, music, reading (Marianne claims to have read everything in her family library, and anticipates reading six hours a day) and so bored. All they have to do is gossip, size up the value of people’s estates and income, and plan romances between the younger people.

Austen’s portraits of her minor characters is a particular strength of this novel. For example, Mrs Palmer, second daughter of Mrs Jennings, (Chapter 19)

“was several years younger than Lady Middleton, and totally unlike her in every respect. She was short and plump, had a very pretty face, and the finest expression of good humour in it that could possibly be. Her manners were by no means so elegant as her sister’s, but they were much more prepossessing. She came in with a smile, smiled all the time of her visit, except when she laughed, and smiled when she went away.”

Her wonderfully grumpy husband clearly has little or no respect for his kind wife; he:

“was a grave looking young man of five or six and twenty, with an air of more fashion and sense than his wife, but of less willingness to please or be pleased. He entered the room with a look of self-consequence, slightly bowed to the ladies, without speaking a word, and, after briefly surveying them and their apartments, took up a newspaper from the table, and continued to read it as long as he staid.

The interaction between Mr Palmer and his wife is comedy gold:

“Well! what a delightful room this is! I never saw anything so charming! Only think, Mama, how it is improved since I was here last! I always thought it such a sweet place, ma’am! (turning to Mrs. Dashwood) but you have made it so charming! Only look, sister, how delightful every thing is! How I should like such a house for myself! Should not you, Mr. Palmer?”

Mr. Palmer made her no answer, and did not even raise his eyes from the newspaper.

“Mr. Palmer does not hear me,” said she, laughing; “he never does sometimes. It is so ridiculous!”

When it is revealed that Mrs Palmer is pregnant (“in her situation“), Lady Middleton is shocked that such matters are openly discussed, and

“could no longer endure such a conversation, and therefore exerted herself to ask Mr. Palmer if there was any news in the paper.

“No, none at all,” he replied, and read on.”

Austen can at times be harsh with her characters. She creates some wonderful monsters that are never just caricatures. Lady Middleton is described as having “a kind of cold hearted selfishness” and Mrs. Ferrars was “a little, thin woman, upright, even to formality, in her figure, and serious, even to sourness, in her aspect. Her complexion was sallow; and her features small, without beauty, and naturally without expression; …She was not a woman of many words; for, unlike people in general, she proportioned them to the number of her ideas”.

The other obsession everyone seems to have is with money. One’s worth is weighed in savings and income to the nearest penny, and futures are decided on the basis of who has how much. Willoughby does not seriously consider marrying Marianne because of her relative poverty, but his wife has:

“Fifty thousand pounds, my dear. Did you ever see her? a smart, stylish girl they say, but not handsome. I remember her aunt very well, Biddy Henshawe; she married a very wealthy man. But the family are all rich together. Fifty thousand pounds! and by all accounts, it won’t come before it’s wanted; for they say he is all to pieces. No wonder! dashing about with his curricle and hunters! Well, it don’t signify talking; but when a young man, be who he will, comes and makes love to a pretty girl, and promises marriage, he has no business to fly off from his word only because he grows poor, and a richer girl is ready to have him.” (Chapter 30)

Writing about boredom without being boring is difficult. Austen uses her observations of how ridiculously people behave in these situations, drawing humour from the absurdity. Here for example the women are discussing the heights of their children,

“Harry Dashwood, and Lady Middleton’s second son William, who were nearly of the same age. Had both the children been there, the affair might have been determined too easily by measuring them at once; but as Harry only was present, it was all conjectural assertion on both sides; and every body had a right to be equally positive in their opinion, and to repeat it over and over again ……The two mothers, though each really convinced that her own son was the tallest, politely decided in favour of the other.

The two grandmothers, with not less partiality, but more sincerity, were equally earnest in support of their own descendant.

Lucy, who was hardly less anxious to please one parent than the other, thought the boys were both remarkably tall for their age, and could not conceive that there could be the smallest difference in the world between them; and Miss Steele, with yet greater address gave it, as fast as she could, in favour of each.

Elinor, having once delivered her opinion on William’s side, by which she offended Mrs. Ferrars and Fanny still more, did not see the necessity of enforcing it by any farther assertion; and Marianne, when called on for hers, offended them all, by declaring that she had no opinion to give, as she had never thought about it.”

Austen is also one of the greatest users of narrative point of view. Most of the novel’s events are shown through Elinor’s eyes – we know what she is thinking and feeling, but events elsewhere are effectively “off-screen”. When this perspective shifts, as it does occasionally, the reader knows to sit up and pay attention, such as in this scene where the point of view switches to that of Mrs Jennings, observing Elinor and the Colonel having a private conversation (Marianne is playing the piano making it hard to  overhear:

“on Elinor’s moving to the window …he followed her to it with a look of particular meaning, and conversed with her there for several minutes. The effect of his discourse on the lady too, could not escape her observation, for though she was too honourable to listen, and had even changed her seat, on purpose that she might NOT hear, to one close by the piano forte on which Marianne was playing, she could not keep herself from seeing that Elinor changed colour, attended with agitation, and was too intent on what he said to pursue her employment.”

She assumes there has been a proposal. Austen gives us a “what really happened” explanation very shortly thereafter. There is a similar and even more dramatic shift of perspective in the novel’s concluding chapters when Edward comes to tell Elinor he is a free man, and to propose to her.

“His errand at Barton, in fact, was a simple one. It was only to ask Elinor to marry him;—and considering that he was not altogether inexperienced in such a question, it might be strange that he should feel so uncomfortable in the present case as he really did, so much in need of encouragement and fresh air. How soon he had walked himself into the proper resolution, however, how soon an opportunity of exercising it occurred, in what manner he expressed himself, and how he was received, need not be particularly told. This only need be said;—that when they all sat down to table at four o’clock, about three hours after his arrival, he had secured his lady” (Chapter 49).

“need not be particularly told”! I beg to differ. There is another example of this turning aside at the last minute and leaving the fictional lovers a moment of intimate privacy at the point of engagement in Northanger Abbey. Perhaps this was a literary convention of the time, although if it was Austen ignores it in Pride and Prejudice for example.

The novel concludes with a wrapping up of events that the reader has expected from the start, albeit with a touch of regret for the loss of innocence in Marianne

“Instead of falling a sacrifice to an irresistible passion, as once she had fondly flattered herself with expecting,—instead of remaining even for ever with her mother, and finding her only pleasures in retirement and study, as afterwards in her more calm and sober judgment she had determined on,—she found herself at nineteen, submitting to new attachments, entering on new duties, placed in a new home, a wife, the mistress of a family, and the patroness of a village.”

Notice how almost all the verbs used to describe Marianne’s future are passive – she falls. remains, submits, and is placed in a new home. You have to wonder what element of choice she genuinely exercises, even though the answer is of course none, because she is fictional!

Two final thoughts on what is already an overly long review:

  1. I can’t help but wonder what happens to poor forgotten younger sister Margaret?
  2. You may have noticed that I have not illustrated this review with a copy of the novel’s book cover – this is because they were all universally awful!
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Book review

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams, 1980

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, the sequel to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, picks up immediately where Hitchhiker ends, with our hapless adventurers under attack from the Vogons, despite there being no tea. Having faced imminent death 220pxRestaurantAtTheEndOfTheUniverse.jpgseveral times before, this causes them less concern that you would expect, and another last minute rescue leads to the party (Arthur Dent, earthling, Trillian, hitchhiker, Ford Prefect, researcher for the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy, and Marvin, the paranoid android) being separated once again.

Zaphod and Marvin are transported to the offices of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy on Ursa Minor Beta. Zaphod is determined to trace down whoever left a message in his brain, even if it turns out to be himself. The Guide’s offices are taken prisoner and carried to Frogstar World B. FWB is a benighted planet whose economy has been ruined by a critical mass of shoe shops. The intention is to destroy Zaphod’s mind by sending him into the Total Perspective Vortex, a torture device designed to show people how small they are compared to the size of the Universe. Zaphod emerges unscathed because after all, he is Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Through some trickery with artificial universes, the party is reunited long enough for breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Marvin has to take the slow route, parking spaceships while waiting for the humans to arrive (or is it return?). The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of Adams’s most magnificent creations. I always loved the selectively bred cow that actually wants to be eaten:

“Four rare steaks please, and hurry, we haven’t eaten in five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years.”

The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle.

‘A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. very good…I’ll just nip off and shoot myself.” He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur. “Don’t worry, sir” he said, “I’ll be very humane”. 

There’s a very special, poetic aspect to the way the end of the universe is described by the show’s host, undercut by the Second Coming of the Prophet Zarquon. We also get to meet Hotblack Desiato at the restaurant, a rock star spending a year dead for tax purposes. After a further narrow escape from imminent death, this time by diving into a star to provide backing effects for a rock concert, which is to be honest a pretty rock and roll way to go, Zaphod and Trillian get to meet the man who runs the universe, while Arthur and Ford discover the origins of life on earth, and why everyone is so bloody useless (which is probably something to do with the fact that we are all descended from hairdressers and telephone sanitisers).

Adams’ commentary on modern life is razor sharp. I especially enjoyed the way the Golgafrinchams (Ark B) make leaves their currency to disprove the argument that money doesn’t grow on trees, and then tackle their galloping hyperinflation by burning down all the forests. Isn’t that austerity economics for you? I was slightly concerned that Restaurant wouldn’t sustain the brilliance of Hitchhiker, but I shouldn’t have worried. Yes there are some uneven patches – I never quite understand the point of Zarniwoop –  but the concepts are extraordinary and the jokes never miss. Marvin continues to be a paradoxical source of joy (“The first ten million years were the worst,” said Marvin, “and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline”). I think it is best not to see ‘Restaurant’ as a sequel but more as the second half of ‘Hitchhiker’, best read one after the other with as short a break as possible. I am minded not to push on with the third, fourth and fifth books of the trilogy – I absolutely understand why they were written, but there is a certain polished perfection to these two novels that might be tarnished by anything that doesn’t meet their sustained genius. What do people think?

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Book review

Crome Yellow, by Aldous Huxley, 1921

I honestly don’t enjoy writing critical reviews, I really don’t. Why would I go out of my way to read disappointing, dated, shallow novels that have very little to recommend them? But there’s little point me reviewing a novel dishonestly is there, emphasising the positive and glossing over the weaker points simply to present a sunnier face to the world? So when I say ‘Crome Yellow’ was dull and largely pointless I take no pleasure in doing so.

So what happens? Very little. Perhaps that’s the point? Aspiring writer Denis Stone goes to stay for the summer with a group of guests at Crome, a country house that gives the novel its name. His hosts are Henry Wimbush and his wife Priscilla. Wimbush is an amateur historian; Priscilla has a gambling problem and is a believer in astrology and the paranormal. A cast of eccentrics and thinly disguised portraits of Huxley’s acquaintances people the rest of the house, including younger guests who provide romantic interest for one another if not the reader. No-one has a real job, saving perhaps the local priest who pines for the Second Coming. Chapters are filled with readings from Sir Henry’s history of Crome, the priest’s sermons, and long walks on the terrace. The hours crawl by. A Bank Holiday fair finally provides a climax of sorts to the novel, which then ends abruptly and disappointingly.

This was Huxley’s first novel, and it was well received. It set him on the career path which led to ‘Brave New World’. So I am clearly missing something. The question is, what?

First there is the eternal fascination of the Country House novel. Crome Yellow is set in a time – the early 1920’s – when the world had just been turned upside down by the Great War. While the war is mentioned, no-one seems to have participated, nor been affected, when in reality houses like Crome would have lost their heirs, the staff would have been depleted, and the local village would have undoubtedly lost many men. The war hasn’t led to anyone questioning their place in society or the future of the country.  There’s a useful definition of the country house novel in the Wikipedia entry for ‘Crome Yellow’. 

“a diverse group of characters descend upon an estate to leech off the host. They spend most of their time eating, drinking, and holding forth on their personal intellectual conceits. There is little plot development.”

Obviously that’s not a particularly flattering description of this remarkably robust genre, but I think it is accurate. Which begs the question – if not much happens in country house novels, why have they proven so popular, particularly now that the world they describe has long since passed away? That’s probably a question for another post.

If his characters are impervious to the threats to their status, Huxley himself anticipates the passing of the world he describes:

“Ten years more of the hard times and Gobley (another country house like Crome) with all its peers, will be deserted and decaying. Fifty years, and the countryside will know the old landmarks no more”. 

The country house setting therefore can act as a metaphor for the country as a whole. A typical feature of this world is that it is supported by an army of almost invisible servants. At the opening of Chapter 30 the narrator tells us that “Denis had been called“. Note the use of the passive voice – there is no indication of who had done the calling (that is to say, had told him it was time to get up for the breakfast that mysteriously appears prepared each morning). He is barely aware that his whole existence depends on people whose identity he hardly acknowledges. No wonder therefore that this world will not outlast the next twenty years or so, even if writers will remain fascinated with country houses long into the following century.

Most readers will be unlikely to miss the foreshadowing of ‘Brave New World’ in a couple of brief references in this novel. One character pontificates about a generation of the future that will “take the place of Nature’s hideous system. In vast state incubators, rows upon rows of gravid bottles will supply the world with the population it requires. The family system will disappear; society, sapped at its very base, will have to find new foundations; and Eros, beautifully and irresponsibly free, will flit like a gay butterfly from flower to flower through a sunlit world.” (28)

and later about the stratification of society:

“in the Rational State ….human beings will be separated out into distinct species, not according to the colour of their eyes or the shape of their skulls, but according to the qualities of their mind and temperament. “(129)

Huxley was to return to these ideas a decade later in Brave New World which suggests it was this rather than the petty interests of his younger characters that really caught his interest when developing this novel.

 

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Book review

In the Kitchen by Monica Ali, 2009

Some novels are just difficult to get into. I am not thinking of the wilfully obscure novels, where you are never sure what is going on and where picking up a narrative thread is a challenge in itself. Instead I have in mind novels where not much happens, where the characters are not that engaging and where the issues being raised are ‘worthy’ rather than genuinely interesting. Books in other words that could benefit from the attentions of an editor with a radical approach to content.In the kitchen

Unfortunately, ‘In the Kitchen‘, Monica Ali’s third novel, falls into this category. The scenario is promising – set in the kitchen of a prestigious central London hotel, the Imperial, staffed by a United Nations polyglot of nationalities and headed by the woefully indecisive head chef, Gabriel Lightfoot. Lightfoot – Gabe – is secretly planning to set up his own restaurant in Pimlico, aiming for a Michelin star. The problem is he has had similar plans for years and he is beginning to realise it is soon going to be now or never. His relationship with his long-term girlfriend, Charlie, is on the same basis, forever just on the point of getting engaged, but never quite getting there.

Gabe is a dull character. An omniscient narrator tells the novel’s events from his perspective, guiding us into his thoughts and dreams, but we never really get to know him – or perhaps there just isn’t that much to know. We are told in detail about his childhood in a Northern mill town, in passages that scream out “research”, his troubled relationship with his parents (his father is slowly dying of cancer in that “sorry to be a bother” way of stereotypical Northerners) his years of training in kitchens around Europe, etc – but at no point does he ever transform into someone we care about or are interested in (and when I say we I of course mean I).

So many modern novels need a sudden death to start or end them and here the accidental death of a porter stumbling down some steps in the kitchen basement is the catalyst for the chain of events that the novel portrays. Yuri, the deceased porter, had been protecting a girl, Lena, whom Gabe, in a half-hearted investigation into the death (this is not, of all things, a detective novel, despite hints at some stage that it might develop into one) takes into his care. A strange relationship develops between the two, in that Lena succumbs to Gabe’s sexual attentions in a disinterested way and Gabe, knowing what he is doing is wrong, doesn’t seem able to stop himself. This is an abusive relationship without doubt, but the least of several evils as far as Lena is concerned. We soon learn she has been trafficked into the UK on the promise of a good job, and has escaped from her pimp from whom she is hiding.

This relationship obviously has an impact on Gabe’s near-engagement with Charlie. Gabe’s enquiries into Yuri’s death uncovers the fact that the trafficking is closer to home that he would have thought. Meanwhile we learn more about the characters in the Imperial’s kitchen. But all this takes an unconscionable amount of time, and for long passages we seem to be on repeat, with Gabe stumbling through a series of aimless conversations with his business partners, his bosses, and his kitchen staff, all the while returning each night to the reluctant but submissive Lena.

Eventually the long nights and little sleep takes its toll, and Gabe suffers a mental health crisis. This seems to blow over quite quickly without any intervention or assistance and he recovers sufficiently to challenge the bad guys, repair his relationship with his family, and even take the first steps to getting back together with Charlie. Which leaves the reader knowing a little about modern human trafficking in the UK, but otherwise regretting the loss of a few hours working their way through the 400+ pages of disappointment. And by the reader I mean me, of course.

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Book review

Sourcery, (Discworld 5) by Terry Pratchett, 1988

‘Sourcery’ is book five in Terry Pratchett’s magisterial Discworld series. It features the return of Rincewind, the world’s worst wizard of whom it was said that when he “dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up by a fraction”.Sourcery

In the Discworld we have seen thus far, (i.e. in books 1-4) the wizarding community is generally held in low regard. Wizards have their uses but are not particularly respected or valued. The fact that Rincewind is their most travelled representative does not help that situation of course. But all this changes in ‘Sourcery’, when the eighth son of an eighth son goes on to have an eighth son, the result being that rarest of magical phenomenon, a wizard squared, a Sourcerer, the most powerful wizard on the disc. Continue reading →

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